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| Cary Larson-McKay |
Giving Back the Goodness
Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “We are what we think about all day long.” He believed—and I believe him—that managing our self-talk directs the path of our lives.
I personally find it both terrifying and exhilarating that just the act of noticing where our daily attention is pulled provides the structure for what we do, how we interpret our lives, and what we believe about the world around us. Understanding what this means, offers us an opportunity to enhance our lives and the lives of others. It is under our control. That is a frightening thought.
What this means is that we can step up our game. I know multiple people who, in spite of great odds and terrible circumstances, have created amazing lives of vision and hopeful action. They have consciously focused their thoughts and energy in positive ways. The most amazing aspect of what they do is to think about and actively appreciate what is good in their lives. They have found a way to background their defeats, and pain and confusion, to offer something helpful and supportive to those around them. As bad as their lives may be they have been enhanced and they know it. Deeply know it.
Robert Emmons, the author of Thanks, poses three questions to guide us forward toward a positive way of thinking. The three questions are:
- What have I received?
- What have I given?
- What trouble have I caused?
I like all three questions, but I particularly like the third one, what trouble have I caused. In making a conscious effort to think about our thinking—what we think about and the way we think about things—we begin to translate those thoughts about ourselves and our lives into actions that lead to a richer and more fully realized constructive approach to our lives. This is part of the self-care necessary to our ability to function in the challenging early education field.
Beyond the questions offered to facilitate self-reflection, Emmons details the importance of thinking about and expressing that for which we are grateful. The more we activate our thoughts of thankfulness about the things, places, events and people that enhance our lives and our well-being, the more our life dialogue expands and grows into essential support for what is good.
A second technique that can support our self-directed thoughts is using forward thinking, which in turn serves an outward purpose. Recently at the CAEYC Annual Conference and Expo, one of our keynote speakers, Amanda Messer, spoke to us of the personal and social benefits of making a promise and keeping it.
The “because I said I would” social movement has recognized that the act of doing good has direct benefits to those for whom we make and keep our promise. Ultimately, there are significant benefits for our society. But wait, this act of making a promise and keeping it also has enormous implications for us. Understand that the intention is, of course, not to directly benefit ourselves, but to do something to benefit others. This excludes selfish compromises from the mix and enhances the total effect of the action.
I strongly believe that these “good” thoughts and actions—those of gratitude and of unselfish promises kept—improve our personal lives and will do the same for those with whom we come in contact. Unfortunately the opposite can also be true causing us to lead our lives in a negative direction with negative impact.
Even more relevant to our work in the early childhood field, I believe such practices can enhance the lives of children and families. We know that when we interact with others—children from their very first days and parents as they nurture their children—that we serve as role models, sources of information and support. Added to that, we create environments of practice that build beneficial habits that teach and encourage growth and development.
As we practice and live in ways that demonstrate affirmative thinking, and being positive, and reaching out to others by actively engaging our gratitude, and outreach of promises, we can strengthen children’s development and encourage their ability to overcome adversity. We can help them acquire essential elements for survival by engaging them directly in the practice of thinking about those things they can be thankful for, those things that work toward helping them survive. We can further help them face the world they live in by steering them toward the compassion and empathy it takes to decide to do something for someone else (make a promise and keep it).
It would be quite useful, even for the very youngest children, to engage in these ways of living in, and knowing about their world, and understanding themselves through focused thinking. Questions about and thinking about what we are thankful for can easily be part of a child’s everyday practice—with a little help from the adults in that child’s life. Ending up with big results and stronger more compassionate children ready to encounter the world.
Finally, by incorporating these practices explicitly into children’s lives, as we guide children to learn how to be grateful and how to bring caring benefits to others we enhance the children’s lives as well as our own.